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The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing, by M.Ed., L.P.C., Patti Henry
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Recommended by Ann Davis of The Huffington Post as one of 9 Power-Packed Books to Help You Live Your Best Life Ever.
The Emotionally Unavailable Man is two books in one: One side is for the emotionally unavailable man and the other is for his partner. It details why men become emotionally unavailable and specifies the actions that can be taken by both men and women to realize improvement.
The Emotionally Unavailable Man helps men get their "power," stop avoiding difficult situations, calm their partner's anger, learn how to say "No," set and maintain appropriate boundaries, be more effective at work, increase and enhance the sex in their relationship, and feel personal freedom and happiness.
It helps women determine if their partner is capable of being emotionally available, decide what they can -- and cannot -- do to help, discover how to lose their anger, exercise mutuality and safety, learn how to recognize and confront their own resistances, restore hope about long-term change, and gain clarity about their future.
- Sales Rank: #78888 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Rainbow Books, Inc.
- Published on: 2004-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .63" w x 5.50" l, .82 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 264 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
An incredibly resourceful read for both women and men. --Whitney Casey, The Houston Chronicle --The Houston Chronicle
About the Author
Patti Henry, M.Ed., L.P.C., has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1988. She began her career developing women’s programs in psychiatric hospitals, committed to empowering women. For the last ten years, however, her focus shifted when she observed how desperately men needed healing, as well. She lives in Houston with her husband and their two sons.
Most helpful customer reviews
28 of 30 people found the following review helpful.
Read Before You Give This To An Emotionally Unavailable Person.
By Georgiana Romanovna
A very interesting read and yet at the same time extremely concerning in many ways. Psychology has always interested me, as has betterment of the inner self, therefore my reasons for reading this book may be different than for others. I do have people in my life who aren't emotionally available and thought this book might offer some insight into why they are as they are. The book did offer great insight - if the person is an unavailable man, and that's the point, or one of them that I found concerning.
How do we know for certain that an unavailable woman isn't handing this over to an available man? We don't. Women have equal ways to be unavailable emotionally as do men.
When I came to the section for women there was very little advice for women as to how to deal with the unemotional man other than to 'heal him'. Is this not asking laypeople to become psychiatrists?
There's another point that really stood out for me - the very fact that a man is emotionally unavailable (or woman for that matter), tends to suggest that he/she regularly stonewalls the other partner. In my humble opinion this isn't just being emotionally unavailable; this is emotionally abusive! Stonewalling is abuse no matter who does it; man or woman. Then the abused are expected to have the necessary tools to heal their own abuser. I can't buy into this theory and find it quite disturbing if I stop and think on different outcomes that could play out after an abuser had read this book. Another critique has already said words to the effect of 'and then he called her a hurricane'.
Having said that, I did find a goodly amount of advice in this book. The premise is excellent, but no offence to Ms Henry, in my opinion it needs a different author who can understand all dynamics of what 'could' be going on.
My comments apply equally to either the man or the woman being emotionally unavailable, and we needn't be married to them.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
The Blueprint Is Working
By Gerard B. Dulac
This book is a flip book, with one half focused on how I, as a male can seek to repair a damaged relationship, and the second half on how a partner can participate. While I have read both perspectives, I can only review the portion related to how this book is helping me to restore the failing relationship I currently find myself experiencing.
I have read numerous books in search for a “how to guide” to fix my troubled relationships. The Emotionally Unavailable Man was different from other books in its approach as a flip book with both a female and a male perspective. For the male it provided a simple but effective selection of client proven tools and methods to stop doing damage and to move towards recovering towards a sound loving relationship.
More importantly, it emphasized two elements that I had overlooked in other books. First, reinforced throughout each chapter is that the book’s methods are not miracles that you just start to use and they will work immediately like a hammer, rather that these tools require practice because they will not be natural for us to use. The second element was best captured in her story about how whales are trained - that success “starts at the waterline”, where nothing appears to be happening at all. This was a breakthrough insight for me. I have a conscious understanding now that small failures are inevitable, but that with practice, and a constant focus on positive reinforcement, that my use of the tools could and has delivered small successes, which has lead to more successes.
The path to recovering love is difficult. The methods described in this book have helped me to move forward. I have learned to appreciate that little changes have powerful responses; I accept that I will make mistakes and that using only positive feedback has allowed me to be persistent to try again.
Powerful, client proved tools and methods, approached with positive reinforcement and small, achievable steps.
It’s working!
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent book. This has helped me out tremendously in ...
By tina
Excellent book. This has helped me out tremendously in understanding things. Now I need to put the suggestions to work. I am so impressed with this book that I couldn't wait to write a review in hopes that another person searching for answers will pick up this book and find those answers . The book goes into detail about why this happens (you need to know why in order to solve it) and then gives you a plan of action to work on your marriage. The author is out to save marriages and she is for marriage but It also lets you know when you may have no other choice but to leave. She tells you how it is while leaving the decision to make a change up to you. She is very fair and honest about both the man and the womans side of things. Some books focus on making one person the "bad" one and the other person the "victim" . This book does not do that . It's human , it's real and it opens your eyes to a very real concept / fact that a person who harms another whether unknowingly or on purpose have been damaged themselves . That does not mean they are necessarily bad people or that they don't lover their spouse . Sometimes they are unaware of why they do what they do or even unaware their behavior is misguided or off. This don't excuse the behavior, it just helps you understand they have been wounded in such a way that this is what they learned. The book takes the focus off of blaming and puts the focus on the solution and if there is a solution. A majority of the time there is a solution. This book is definitely worth checking out.
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